Green's my Favorite Number

Exploring a world I have yet to make sense of and beginning the journey that will someday lead me to Munchkinland.

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My hubby and I have been married for four years and wanted children the day we said "I do." We both have a passion for helping children and cannot wait to have a family of our own. Unfortunately, it isn't as easy as the health teacher said it was...

Saturday, September 30, 2006

You can never hide...

So hubby and I bought a car and we registered, insured, etc etc today. No biggie. We had talked to the insurance guy a couple of times and when we got there I realized that I had heard that guy's voice before. Sure enough. Walked in the door and here's a guy I've known all my life. We ran in the same groups throughout elementary, middle, and high school together so we had history.

My husband kept giving me funny looks during the course of our paperwork etc. When we walked outside to get pictures of the car and so on I explained. I told him who the guy was and it just sort of popped out that he had sung at a very dear friend's funeral. He had ended up at the same college she had and so they were close. The song he sang that day has haunted me for three years now. I never expected to ever see this guy again, so I just left it as one of those tassles we all have at the end of our lives that are slightly frayed but are still a part of us to be considered.

When he got back outside with the camera to take a photo of the odometer and what not I asked him as gently as I could what that song was. It was a song called "Rita" by Bebo Norman. She had found it a short while before her death and had asked this friend to sing it for her from time to time. I can't get over life's strange miracles sometimes. If you are up for a tear jerker, search for the lyrics to the song and take a look. I don't want to post them here b/c I don't want to make ppl cry and not read my blog.

When our friend died I had just sent my husband of 3 months to the military and unbeknownst to us at the time become pg. I had moved in with my grandmother while my husband was away to help with expenses and to be close to family. This is when she died. It was a horrible accident and I'll leave it at that. When my hubby came home we tested 5 times and came out with positives. The doc was backed up though so it was a while before I could see him. So there we were two months later and there was no baby. Still it hurt. It was one of the hardest times of my life.

I listened to that song tonight. It was quiet in the house and a breeze was blowing through the window like in a romantic, ever so perfect movie. Tonight I grieved. I grieved for my childhood that had been ripped away. I grieved for my friend that someone unrightfully took away. And I grieved for my child that I shall never see. In time the pain has dulled and in time it will dull even more. I will never ever forget though. I cling to them all three every day as their role in my life strengthens me to take on more challenges. Maybe someday I can be strong enough to resist playing hide and seek with the past...

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